i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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