yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
