let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
