she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I woke up under a house in Key West
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
