Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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