Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
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