I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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