So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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