Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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