My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
