Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
