i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
