you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
