Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
