she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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