i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
