i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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