My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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