dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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