can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
