when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
