Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
