So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
