i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize