You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
