If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
