I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
