I'm lost and stupid without you.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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