I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
