There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
