my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
