Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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