You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
