I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
