last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He passed out mid-signature
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
