So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
