i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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