Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
