My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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