i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
