Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
