Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
