I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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