And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
