i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
