Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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