why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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