he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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