Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
