she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
