I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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