This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
