just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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