do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
