And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
