pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
