make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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