sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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