can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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