Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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