I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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