Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
