Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
