So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The struggles of a small town man whore
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
