is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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