I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
