in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
