GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize