Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
