the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
