my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
