she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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