508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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