in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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