I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
